Crazy Ass Officer Security Guard Man

So my coworker used to work at this hospital and he told me this story about this crazy security guard. The Officer Security Guard Man really, really, really wanted to make some moves on this young lady, let’s call her PYT, who worked in finance or benefits or something. Anyways, she was not acknowledging this dude’s advances; he kept getting shot down. Undaunted, Officer Security Guard Man keeps it up:

• Hello
• How are you today?
• You look nice.
• Hello Beautiful.
• How was your weekend?
• What are you doing for lunch?
• Can I call you sometime, Sweetheart?
• Let me take you out tonight.
• Okay, can I just smell your panties?
  

No, No, No and No continued to be the refrain, but Office Security Guard Man was not taking ‘No’ for an answer. He concluded he needed to create the magic, set the mood. Something needed to happen, a situation, an event, an experience that would open her eyes to see him for more than just Office Security Guard Man, but as Crazy Ass Officer Security Guard Man.

Hot Damn!!! Here it is – Damsel in Distress!!!

This plan is perfect because he is a security guard. If she was in trouble, he could come to the rescue and save her, and THEN she would be his for the taking.

You can see where this is going.

During his actual work day, Officer Security Guard Man gets in disguise and assaults (verbally, roughed her up a bit) PYT in her work area during her lunch. Then he runs out, trashes the disguise, puts on his security uniform and returns as Crazy Ass Security Guard Man to come to her rescue. OFF COURSE PYT recognizes his crazy ass since he has been trying to get with her for who knows how long. So needless to say Crazy Ass Security Man ends up in police custody rather quickly.

He had to know that some or all of this would be caught on film. He had to weigh losing his job, jail, humiliation, picture in the newspaper, story on the news vs. getting the girl. The lack of logic is stunningly incomprehensible. It is at the vortex of my understanding so I won’t attempt to explain it or break it down any further…and this is a True Story, I swear!